4. Are you married, engaged, just boyfriend and girlfriend, or not together? Boyfriend and girlfriend.
5. How long have/had you been with the baby’s dad? Since February 2013.
6. Was it planned? Almost…
7. What day was your baby conceived? Between January 17th and the 3rd of February of 2013
8. When is your due date? November 11th.
9. What do you think your baby will look like (hair color, eye color, etc.)? Hopefully LOTS of dark hair, dark eyes and not wearing my nose.
10. Do you plan to do all natural, C-section, or use the drugs? I want to have an active birth… I’m petrified of damaging my spine any worse then it is so I think I’d refuse an epidural no matter how much pain I was in.
11. Is this your first baby? Yes.
12. Do you have a midwife?
Yes her name is Misha and she’s very pro home birth and low key pregnancy and labour, she seems lovely.
13. How did your parents react?
My Mother instantly burst into tears with the widest grin and ran off to tell my Dad… I didn’t tell my Dad directly because I’m awkward and I know he doesn’t like to hear that kinda stuff from his firstborn daughter.
Both of them are absolutely ecstatic, as well as my brothers and sisters and my aunt and uncle, nieces and nephews. Because no one in my family, (including myself) can keep a secret.
14. When did you tell your parents? Around about week seven? I think…
15. How did the father’s parents react and when did you tell them? Rowans Mother lives in SA and so he called her she was very happy and I’can’t wait to have her over to visit and to help keep me sane in the first few months.
16. Did you have to consider whether or not to keep it? Didn’t even cross my mind.
17. Do you want to be a mother? I already kind of am?
18. Are you excited? Nervous, petrified and deliriously happy… With just a dash of excitement.
19. What was the first thing you said when you found out? I sat on the toilet and gave a little moan and thought fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… fuckity fuck!!!
20. What made you think you could be pregnant at first? I keep track of my periods on PinkPad and It told me I was like eight days late so I tested to ease my curiosity.
21. How did you actually find out you were pregnant? I went to the local chemist bought two of the least expensive (Read cheapest!) tests and went home to test on one. I actually peed in a little cup so as not to pee on my own hands… I still managed to pee on my hands. The test came back with the faintest positive but I knew it was 100% I could just feel it in my gut.
22. Have you had an ultrasound yet? First one is booked for the 29th of April.
23. Have you heard the heart beat? Not yet.
24. Do you know the sex, if so what is it? No.
25. What sex were you hoping for? I’m hoping for a boy tbh.
26. Girls names? I honestly don’t have any.
27. Boy’s name? Felix is Rowans choice, again I don’t have any names just yet.
28. Do the names you picked have special meaning/significance? Nope.
29. Have you started stocking up on supplies? My Mum bought the baby a bunny.
30. Have you felt the baby kick? Nope.
31. When is the baby shower? I imagine I probably won’t have one.
32. How many weeks/months are you? Ten weeks as of the 15/4/14
33. What do you look forward to the most? Rowans reaction, feeling my baby’s skin on my skin.
34. Are you financially able to care for the baby?
Is anyone in this country able to say that confidently? Minimum wage is the bane of anyone’s life.
35. Do you or the father have jobs? We both do.
36. What symptoms have you dealt with since the start of your pregnancy? Leg cramps, stomach cramps, addiction to sleeping and masses of CM, breast pain and growth and the occasional pimple.
37. What have your strongest, and most frequent cravings been? I think so far it’s been frozen grapes, sweetcorn and iced tea.
38. Are you scared of miscarriage or still birth? I choose not to think about those things.
39. Do you wear maternity clothes? Not yet.
40. Have you had to make any major changes in your life? Not just yet we haven’t had to change anything to drastic.
41. Do you smoke or drink? I would class myself as a smoker but I’m have sessions booked with a smoking cessation nurse and I’m really trying to cut down.
42. Are you taking prenatal vitamins? Every day!
43. Are you going to breastfeed or use formula? Breastfeed, if I am able.
44. Cloth or disposable diapers? Rowan and I both think Cloth nappies would suit us best.
45. Have you had your glucose test, if so did you pass it? I have no clue what this is lol.
46. Do you regret getting pregnant? I’ve had my wobbles but, hand on heart I really don’t regret it.
47. How much weight have you gained?
I haven’t got a clue.
48. What was your weight before you got pregnant. 75kg
49. What do you miss?
Having normal bowl movements, being able to go braless to sleep.
I don’t know why I want a boy considering I’ve never really spent any time caring for male babies, what with winkies and pee-boners and other gross details. I think I’d be absolutely useless with a boy, but then motherhood comes with so many challenges I’m sure the gender of the baby is pretty much irrelevant.
In reality I’d be ecstatic to have a daughter or a son.
Other than going up a cup size, chronic leg cramps, lack of periods and one bout of nausea I have very little to show for the time spent growing Baby R.
I definitely don’t feel pregnant… Although what you’re supposed to feel like I have no clue. It’s the most daunting thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m fucking petrified.
If I could I’d hit pause on it for like a year. I’d get married and fuck off on honeymoon for a year trekking round SA and visiting all of Rowans family.I’d be more secure in my job and the resulting Maternity pay would give me a feeling of relief on how the hell we’d manage financially.I’d have the same last name as my child, this one is killing me at the moment.
I know these thoughts are stupidly selfish, but I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t let them out. I want to scream I’m not ready, I’m just a child myself how did this even happen? (P.S. I know how babies are made)
Whilst writing this I almost feel a little bit sick, my head is spinning and I just keep thinking “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck how in hell is this going to work?”
I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed my heart out whilst making dinner the other night, as I explained to Rowan, I’m so petrified I’m going to be miserable, I’m going to shut myself down and sleep all the time, that I won’t bond with the baby, that I’ll become depressed and go back to being the teenage me.
I have these cycles of up and down and I feel like I’m on the edge just waiting to tip over…
Rowan held me while I cried, rubbed my back and told me to stop being so eager to spoil my own happiness, he asked me to think before I speak, to stop biting his and everyone around me’s head off, maybe this would be a start to getting happier… You know to actually inspire happiness in other people not suck it out of them in a stormcloud induced haze.
He told me in no uncertain terms that the two of us both have flaws we need to work on but that he wanted to do it and that he knew I did to or I wouldn’t be so upset about it. That not feeling myself, or feeling ugly or gross is okay but that he still loves me even if I wear nothing but a dressing gown and my Hulk sweatpants for the next sixty years.
I feel a bit better about myself, I certainly feel like I have a great deal of support behind me in the form of Rowan, friends and family.
I have a great deal of resources in the shape of the internet and other pregnancy bloggers.
I feel like it’s okay to have a melt down every once in a while, because I’m only human, but I need to be careful of how it impacts on others because I’m all to skilled at cutting people with my tongue and cutting them out of my life just by dropping off of the map.
I’m pretty sure nobody took the time to read this so if you managed to kudos to you Baby R and I are delighted and want you to know he or she will be making their photographic debut on the 29th of April… :D
It’s 19 years, 34 weeks, 1 day, and 59 minutes later, heretofore known as now. Young Ned has become The Pie-Maker. And this is where he makes his pies. The peaches never brown, the dead fruit in his hands becomes ripe with everlasting flavor. As long as he only touches it once.